Blog week 3

I often wake very early, or even in the middle of the night. Once disturbed, I find it difficult to switch off and go back to sleep. My brain is too busy dreaming up new projects, planning their realisation and then, worrying they are not viable.

Sleepless nights are not uncommon, many people experience the same thing. In the winter months, being awake, while so much of the world sleeps feels like I am in my own part of space…in my very own solar system and the silence feeds my project dreaming…being or feeling isolated can be a wonderful thing, when it’s a welcome, but when it comes from elsewhere it can be a terrible emotional rollercoaster to ride…

…as I a child I was bullied. Some children decided I should be called ‘wog’. One particular boy hung me up from my ankle in a tree, helped by his sister, who was supposed to be my friend…

Bullies…nowadays I compare them to a bluebottle fly, so noisy, darting around, demanding we see them, but they fall quickly when caught out by the fly swatter.

I read once that a bully is anyone that frightens you or makes you feel bad about yourself…but doesn’t this happen everyday and everywhere we go? I think British culture endorses the definition of a bully through soap opera’s and magazines that lay claim to the latest celebrities secrets…’I shouldn’t be telling you this but did you know…’

I am so glad i have got to an age where I don’t really care about the latest fashion, in fact I have really no idea what is ‘on trend’ or ‘on point’ this year in terms of anything…but I am interested to know where these latest fad phrases came from? Why has the term ‘passed’ instead of ‘passed away’ established itself as colloquial Yorkshire, and why did the term 24-7 become an expression of total commitment?

Perhaps I am just getting too old to want to change my thinking about modernising my everyday vocabulary, but I would rather go with the idea that, I have choices and I choose to say ‘7 days a week’. I won’t be persuaded or bullied into thinking differently and that is the difference between me now and me 50years ago. I have the confidence to decide…your not a nice person, I don’t want to be your friend…but it’s still not always easy to walk away from the babble, to stand out from the crowd, to be true to a view that doesn’t really fit with the crowd, but then who wants to be part of a crowd, I certainly don’t.

This morning I can hear the rain, yet again on the windows…it’s feels like it has been raining for weeks…

The summer months are amazing when you sleep in a loft bedroom. With no curtains to hide the stars, summer nights have often felt like camping, especially when the evening has been warm and the windows are open wide – sleeping under the stars (while still comfy in my bed) has been an experience I will always cherish. I don’t really know the names of many constellations, just the odd one or two that everyone knows, but it doesn’t matter. Watching the stars makes me feel grounded, puts things in perspective, so much space and so little time…

Hopefully today the rain will stop. Long enough for the Dahlias to find a new bed for the winter, away from the starry skies and frosty nights because next year, they are going to be a very important part of my latest project dreamed up while awake tonight: the new cutting garden.

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